Lies on Bristol Lake by Jean Nicole Rivers

Author:Jean Nicole Rivers [Rivers, Jean Nicole]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Published: 2023-02-28T16:00:00+00:00

Chapter 19

What Malcolm did before me is none of my business, but the more I learn about the ladies and the lake, the more I want to ask him about Raven. I sip the hot coffee before pouring a few more drops of creamer into it to cover the lingering bitterness. It is certainly my business if there’s something still going on between them.

Fragrant steam from my coffee mug billows up into my nose as I step out onto the deck. Despite the blindingly bright sun, there is still a morning coolness to the air. The stones on the path leading from the deck to the dock are chilly under my feet. At the edge of the dock, I watch the island. What would it be like to dive into the lake? The intensity of adrenaline surging through my body as my muscles power me across the water toward land. Plunging in at this moment would only result in my drowning. Anxiety would ripple across my chest, causing my heart to beat out of control. Fear weighing my limbs until they are frozen stiff. A gasp of sheer shock would lock my mouth open so water could force its way into my throat, then lungs, depriving my brain of oxygen until my body, in its last living seconds, is convulsing. Then, down in the darkness, I would drift with Naomi and Sienna.

Looking into the murky water, I spot movement just beneath the surface. A separate motion from the water’s natural ripples, light-colored strands. On my knees now, I’m fully prepared to see some trash thrown from a boat full of partying teenagers. It’s a light color, blonde strands of hair dancing in the current. My hand is shaking as it reaches toward the water. An alarm begins to squawk, startling me so much so that I almost lose my balance. My stomach curls into my throat at the idea of falling into the water, here at the end of the dock where it would be too deep for me to stand. Patting myself frantically, I find the phone in my pocket. The label on the alert reads, “Call with Dr. Garrett.”

Looking back down, there is nothing there but dark water swishing back and forth mockingly.

*****

“He thinks I’m trying to control him,” I speak loudly, as Dr. Garrett is on speaker phone, while I refresh my coffee.

“Are you?” he asks.

For a moment, I hesitate. One of the things I’ve learned in therapy is to feel my feelings. I don’t always have to have an answer ready. It’s okay to stop and think about something before you respond. “I don’t know. I feel like a newlywed who wants to spend time with her husband. Maybe I do want a little control; is that so bad?”

“Not so bad, no. But it’s important to recognize the only person you can control is yourself and how you respond to situations.”

Rolling my eyes, I wonder if Dr. Garrett ever has bad days, if he is ever overwhelmed or out of control.

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